A complete stranger once believed you were worth it.

They never considered it optional, and always counted themselves lesser than the greater good. And because of it, now they are free from a nation they freed, yet lost to the lives they saved.

They wonder from the heavens in valor and silence at those of this barbecuing and too often forgetful nation who mark it up as an occupational hazard.

Happy Memorial Day isn’t entirely about being happy, but about taking one solitary thankful moment of silent honor away from people, pools and grills in prayer to recall the merits and consequences of their sacrifices made at any price. Indeed, the highest one.

Then go back and eat your burger, jump in the water, hang with your family and friends and for that reason be very, very happy that a complete stranger in history once believed you were worth it.

If an 82 year old woman can pay her rent and utilities, buy a bus pass, food and meds, put $21 in savings and still give $10 at church from a $756 check, something’s gone terribly wrong with the rest of us. I learned more about trusting God from this octogenarian in one hour yesterday afternoon than in all my years in church.

My boss shared this idea with me today.It is the principle that motivated him to devote the rest of his working days to helping poor people get a hand up in the world.Surprisingly, it’s not about giving people free stuff.It’s about dignity.It’s about leaving enough for people to take when they are willing to put a little skin in the game. Well worth the few minute read…In ancient Israel, God instituted the practice of gleaning as a way to feed the poor. A farmer would leave some of his crop in the fields, and afterward the poor (the fatherless, widows, foreigners) would gather the leftover crops for their own sustenance.*Vineyards, as well as fields of grain, were to be available for gleaning (see Leviticus 19:10; Deuteronomy 24:20—21). The most well–known example of gleaning is found in the book of Ruth. To feed herself and her mother–in–law, Ruth “went out, entered a field and began to glean behind the harvesters…” (2:3).Gleaning was a command by God for those with productive resources to leave something extra so that the poor, through their own labor, could provide for themselves. Although the practice is no longer required for Christians, it provides an example that can be applied to the stewardship of our own resources.1. Leave some work for others — We no longer live in a society dominated by agriculture. Instead of working to create produce, most of us use our labor to produce goods and services in exchange for money. Because of our type of economic system, it isn’t always easy to see work we can leave for others. But by thinking creatively, we can often find a way to let the poor use their own labor to provide for their own needs. For example, while we might be capable of mowing our own lawn or cleaning our own home, paying someone less fortunate to do the work can be a viable way of applying the gleaning principle.2. Gleaning is better than a handout — You might ask, rather than pay someone to do work for us, why not just give them the money? Direct contributions can be a valid and efficient form of charity. But giving someone a handout deprives them of the value and dignity that can be gained from working and earning an income. God could have commanded landowners to simply collect the crops and give them to the poor; instead, he protected the dignity of the poor by requiring them to contribute their own labor.People who go through hardships and come out stronger on the other side aren’t those who get a free handout. They are the ones who are willing to take help and maintain their dignity in the midst of it. They don’t expect life to GIVE them anything, but they will take it if needed and just as eager to rise back to the level of self-sufficiency they enjoyed before, sometimes higher.This is what makes where I work so successful in moving people out of the crisis of poverty back into self-sufficiency. It’s a unique place with a unique idea of what constitutes true help for people who both need it and deserve it.Incidentally, bosses who share stuff like this out of the blue with their staffs are the kinds we need more of in this world.

Maybe it’s because I’m older and wiser, but I’ve noticed that the things which now bring me to tears are fewer the everyday instances of hurt, pain and sadness, but more the unexpected moments of joy, reconciliations and serendipity. Maybe as we advance in years and become more numbed to experiences of tragedy we become more easily moved to tears by the sudden simple beauties that were always before us but appeared at an untimely early age when we still believed the world owed us more.
All I know is the less time I have left here the more important I find it is to plan a clean exit on a high note.
This small epiphany and the wrinkles are how I know for certain that I’ve finally grown up.

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I bought more panties, bras and pads than any gay man should.

More comfy purses to fit my arms than any straight man would.

To beauty parlors, nail salons and pharmacies with you

Been here and there and everywhere…I’m not sure what I’ll do.

The little walks and tearful talks and stories of your life

Have filled our days with laughs so thick, can’t cut them with a knife.

I get us lost, you drive me mad and tell me what to do

But we always end up back at home…I’m not sure what I’ll do.

The butts of jokes and puns of posts that make so many happy

That Q-Tip hair, the clothes you wear on Facebook looks so snappy.

So many pics that you have nixed and some you never knew

You make life fun to be your son…I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Clockwork calling days and nights to see how your day went

And kindly and reciprocally, you ask how mine was spent.

I can’t imagine how it’ll be some day when yours are through

You’re woven so deep in my days and weeks…I’m not sure what I’ll do.

No clue what I will do.

Best friends have shorter conversations lasting twice as long, three times as deep, and you only need to say half as much for them to understand it all.

The search is over.

30 years of looking left me one day short of locating my longtime best friend.

At 12:19am this morning, Jodie notified me that Jim had passed in a California hospital just 6 hours earlier from a surgical infection.

For much of my 20s, Jim and I did everything together from hiking to biking to traveling and we made some of the best memories up and down the west coast two quirky guys ever could. I’d exhausted all leads many years back, resigned that maybe—or obviously—Jim just didn’t want to be found.

Turns out I’d been only 320 miles away and right on both counts.

His life was an inspiration for that wonderful decade of explorational youth as single, available young men. I’ve assembled so much to tell him since, in hopes of finding him, if only he would have surfaced a little sooner.

But he was quiet, humble, unpretentious and always flew under the radar, never having coveted the spotlight nor celebration of anyone. I’m told his final years were spent reclusive, likely fighting the mental health demons we’d discussed 40 years ago and about which I promised to never reveal for as long as I lived…but now wonder if that was the kind of promise that should ever be made by a true friend.

Alas, I now have someone who I’m assured will be first in line to hug me at heaven’s gate soon enough. I’d have loved to write a much longer story about our decade of friendship together but it wouldn’t be fair if he couldn’t read it first. So I’ll just keep that story inside me as a special parting gift from Jim. Can’t wait to see you man.