Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?
Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?
Romans 9:20-21 NIV
As a younger man, I thought my life would be very different at 65.
I’d dreamed of greatness a little beyond landing the role of just an average Joe who at retirement age is still discovering his life purpose.
I’d dreamed to be special in some ways, but common in most others.
I never desired fame nor riches but early on set my own bar much lower, settling for what was more easily attainable.
I wasn’t coached early on to aspire for much more, but I reflect back on my life story as significant in many respects.
Since then I’ve learned to be content and satisfied with who I’ve become and to understand the critical questions of life that will bring a peaceful rest at my death.
‘Well done good and faithful servant’ (Matthew 25) is no heavenly consolation prize awarded at the pearly gates.
It’s the exact same E ticket presented for admission by every believer after this wild ride we call life.
Be proud of all the right things and those that genuinely matter.
[Last time I posted this, a friend commented “I am going on 2 years of celibacy. The thoughts expressed in this post are similar to mine. First time I’ve seen anyone write something along the same line. Thanks for sharing.”
I believe others who have chosen a celibate existence need to know they aren’t alone.]
I’ve been celibate since 2011, and the further I get from sex, the better I understand love.
It was a choice I made when I got off drugs and a choice I make still today, “celibating” my 14th year.
Not much is written about celibacy. In this sexually-slathered world, it’s not a very popular subject. It alienates, labels and renders one less than desirable by many who still regard sex as a plaything —an inalienable right to exercise freely, frequently, and with anyone they choose without much regard for its significance or consequence beyond being a driven, primal, self-indulgent pleasure.
To be honest, I’ve had more sexual partners in my lifetime than I care to remember. Many I choose not to, most I can’t, and in hindsight, all I regret except for the union of love that produced my three wonderful children. And that was many, many years ago.
There’s a huge difference between resisting sexual temptation and a conscious choice of celibacy.
The first one spends hours fending off urges while the other refuses to wage the war.
One is a choice to be in constant turmoil while the other is a constant choice of dignity and self preservation.
No engagement. No frustration. Little preoccupation with opportunity for momentary pleasure.
Most men find it an incomprehensible option to be celibate.
Culture has made great strides over recent decades not only to make open, multi-partnered sexuality the “normal” way of life but to banish those who believe and choose differently.
Imagine, if you can, the amount of sitcom time spent on the subject of sex and sexual innuendo.
Imagine the number of stories and exposés about the sexual foibles of otherwise good men and women.
Imagine the amount of time, the countless pages, the vastness of entire industries spent on sexual pursuits and libido-lifting messages, telling us it’s just as healthy a way to stay in shape as aerobic exercise.
No, it’s not your imagination. Since the 60s, it’s reality.
Truth is, sex has become the replacement of an important need by an urgent one.
I don’t watch much TV, largely because of its stupidifying effect on the masses. I do watch movies though. Lots of movies. And even there, I see how unentertaining most plot lines might be without the sex factor.
The general malaise about and lack of creativity within media is largely due to the potency of the sex factor’s ability to arouse and stimulate single-minded misled people climaxing in applause for an on screen violation of what might have otherwise been a potentially creative story.
But with sex shoved down the throats of the masses (pun partially intended) as if we were all malnourished hookers, we’re trained to hunger for it like I once did for the rush of a hot, smoking bowl of meth.
As a social consolation, those who promote free sexuality have successfully fended off attacks by seasoning their stimulating appeals with “love, romance and intimacy” as if to give added value to what they are really selling.
Eroticism is now much wider in its appeal, equating being sexual with someone—or anyone for that matter—quite the “special” thing. Special with this one, special with that one, and each special encounter so meaningful in its own way.
But sex is not the highest form of love. Not by a long shot.
Humanity’s lie has been to suggest that sexual union with another is the most intimate expression of love in the world.
As a celibate man, I believe nothing could be further from the truth.
To obey the greatest commandment to love one another is a far cry from indulging in a roll in the hay with them.
Loving acts have staying power while sex quickly goes…well…flaccid.
Celibacy creates a vacuum for eminently more important things.
These years I have spent without losing small pieces of my soul to random sexual partners has opened my eyes to greater forms of love I might have otherwise never known existed.
When I stopped seeking sexual pleasure, a vacuum was created inside of me and I began seeking to fill it with love. Not a person. Not another. Actual love.
Big difference.
Storge, philia, agape. Go ahead. Look them up. They mean affection, friendship, and unconditional love.
These alternate kinds of love often get the shaft from sex promoters, yet they are the kinds of love expressions that make you cry at commercials, weep at songs and experience the joy of spirit in a sporting event with an incredibly moving back story.
They are the kinds of loves you remember over and over again, long after that casual fling left your bed for home.
Perhaps one day I’ll rediscover that eros kind of love again and my celibate days will be over.
St Augustine taught that we are most fundamentally shaped not as much by what we believe, or think, or even do, but by what we love.
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. Romans 8:5 NIV
I have found that my freed mind is now capable of deep thought that births deeper experiences of love and compassion and a preoccupation with things that last much longer than an orgasmic minute.
And if and when I ever do return, I’ll have learned to respect it with much more dignity than I ever did before.
And if I never do, I will nonetheless have learned to love as a celibate man, and I figure by then I should be a pretty good at it.
Because the further I get from sex, the better I understand love.
Driving around listening to inspiring podcasts, it became apparent that I need an alignment.
My tires are fine, but listening to the various accumulated wisdom of some well-informed podcasters indicated that some of my critical life trajectories are off, slowly dragging me out of my own lane and into directions and places I shouldn’t be traveling at my age and maturity.
Interesting how we can sense an unrelenting tug in one direction or another and find things aren’t rolling along as ideally as they could.
Diet, money, sleep, friendships, how I spend my time, they can veer off course right or left of center enough to make an undesirable difference which I fear, without a realignment, could send me off roading on paths for which I am not designed, well-suited, nor intended.
For some, it may sound like a labored metaphor of a hair-splitting perfectionist, but living by much higher-than-average standards was something I was taught from an early age.
Moreover, living life now in pursuit of a singular guiding mission alerts you to such ever so slight variations demands that you make occasional corrections to keep you on course.
So, I got home and had a quiet chat with my Mechanic.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8 NIV
I’d give my own life in exchange for the lives of my kids and grandkids.
Let’s hope I never have to prove it, but their feelings for me at the time would be of zero consideration.
I’ve no desire to be a martyr or to be so pretentious to prove my love, but the fact is, when you create a living, breathing human being the bond is inextricable.
So much so that you long to save it from harm and forces both within or without at any cost, including your own life.
Here we see a perfect Father sending a sinless Son as His own incarnation and with an end game of dying to Himself as payment made for us to live forgiven.
You know the story. It’s a painful but brilliant plan to demonstrate the depth of His love in a way we can all humanly comprehend.
And to seal the deal, all that’s required in turn is for us to evaluate the evidence and believe in His plan.
A complex example made for simple minds like us to understand.
It’s like a divine sign, date, and return enclosed deal that parents and grandparents uniquely understand and agree to in return for the title.
But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
It may be the most difficult act of self care you’ll ever attempt.
Loving and forgiving your enemies is the model Jesus left to us. Not only to preserve peace and relationships with others but to keep intact our own experience and witness of God’s love.
While the self may want justice and punishment, parking your mind and heart in that lot waiting for judgment is at best, a waste of precious time.
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:27-31 NIV
Being good to others is being good to yourself.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”” Luke 10:27 NIV
Against all hope, Abraham, in hope, believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” Romans 4:18, 21 NIV
Against the odds.
Against all hope.
When your back’s against the wall, what do you do?
Most of us back off or back down out of pride, fear, or worry that our wobbly faith won’t be enough to sustain us.
But against all hope, Abraham, in hope, believed that the power to accomplish such a destiny set before him was gonna have to be a God-thing.
Wobbly faith misplaces the value of possibility on us instead of on God with whom ALL things are possible.
So summon the faith you now possess, then dig in your feet, and watch God use it do what He does best.
Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them. Romans 4:7-8 NIV
If we’re entirely honest, the things that plague our consciences worst of all are the harms done to others at times when we knew better.
Swept under the rugs of time, our place looks nice, but all those accumulated wrongs block a truly clean conscience.
Dirty rugs full of hidden secrets.
Rugs may cover sins but they don’t forgive them
Take ownership and responsibility and present your dirt at the cross of Christ for the promise of complete freedom.
A clear conscience weighs nothing and wastes no mental energy.
Get real. Time is too precious to waste on tending to dirty rugs.
The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. Romans 1:18-20 NIV
Many people today are stupefied by the things some share as truth.
Eons of what the history of humanity has regarded as basic facts are now being questioned without the benefit of evidence required of other assertions.
The gaslighting can make you crazy.
And if you’re God, pretty angry.
They are like toddlers defying truths purely for defiance’s sake just to assert that nobody’s the boss of them.
It takes an incredible amount of determination to hold tight to a lie in the face of the truth, yet some do so at any cost, indeed, costing them both their sanity and their eternity.
Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. Romans 1:32 NIV
Satan is the great deceiver and the father of lies. And in this increasingly fallen world, people are desperate to know who and what to believe in.
Truth is truth, regardless of who believes it to be.
Be testimony-ready always, and share the truth about Jesus to others like their life depends on it.
